I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
