Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
