At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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