none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
