Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
