i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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