when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
