just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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