Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
