He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
