I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
