he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
