Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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