walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
