Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
