Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
