Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
