I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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