Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
