SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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