And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
