wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
