Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
