Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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