great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
