I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
