Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
