I want to make a zoo with you.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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