Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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