Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
