Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
