When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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