Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
