Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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