remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
