How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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