my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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