i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
