Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
