He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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