I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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