I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
