the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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