Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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