We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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