it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
