Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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