I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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