feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
