We won't sleep together?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
